We have officially lost count of how many times we have been told “write everything down!” Yeah, yeah, easier said than done! The way this process has been moving, one of us would be writing continuously! The other complication is simply putting this emotional roller coaster on paper. So, in an effort to get started, to put something on paper we decided to start where we are comfortable; that would be with technology. Yes, I know its lacking a little intimacy but we wrote a piece of our amazing adoption story on Skype. Even more surprising is that we are actually going to share it with you all!

Anne: It was about 10 years ago and conceiving was taking a lot longer than we liked. We started getting interested in adoption. We looked into a local – domestic - agency and started the process to adopt an infant. Xavier didn't pass the psychological eval so they kicked us out. . .

Xavier: Actually, I had to take it twice.... They said I had a double personality or something like that. I checked with my advisors (the voices in my head) who disagreed.

Anne: Kidding aside, we were a little overwhelmed with the process, the home study the idea of a baby who could possibly have problems all when I didn't even know what a normal infant was like. We started the training but we were dragging our feet in a way. At some point in this process we got pregnant and miscarried, and then turned our focus towards conceiving. After three long years we conceived our son Zachary.

Xavier: I wouldn’t say we stopped thinking about adoption; we just sort of put it on the back-burner while we were enjoying our newborn. Later we actually started considering adopting from China. I remember all the information on China Anne got for me. I was really into it. Anne filled out a few applications but the cost was daunting. I have to say that we really felt a strong desire to adopt, but there were so many barriers to overcome the biggest of which was cost.

Anne: The biggest for me was the idea of leaving our two young children for two weeks to go to China! We also looked into Guatemala and got really excited about that country.

Xavier: As Anne said, we were pretty excited about the possibility here. Sadly, that turned out to be ugly with all the corruption in that country. At this point, I pretty much settled on that adoption was not in God's plan for us.

Anne: Xavier was discouraged and we delayed - meanwhile Guatemala shut down.

Xavier: Discouraged is an understatement.

Anne: We realized that the door had been closed and saved us a lot of heartache. Many families were in the midst of adoption when the program closed.

Xavier: I really didn't want to entertain the idea of adoption any longer - it just made me angry to think about it because in my heart I wanted it, but I didn't feel it was what God had in store.

Anne: Xavier was done - didn't want to be disappointed any more - It took a long time for me to let it go. I talked to a lot of different people about adoption and spent a lot of time thinking about it - I was really sad. I finally prayed that God would take that desire away. I always believed it was a possibility in our future but thankfully I was able to put it aside. I just stopped thinking about it. Then, in 2008 I went to a conference where I heard Voddie Baucham speak passionately about his experience with adoption -- I even shared about it with Xavier and was disappointed when he wouldn't hear of it. I was very moved and convicted that adoption wasn't just about growing our family. I started thinking a lot more about it again and praying that God would use us in this way. Around the beginning of 2009 I had two separate conversations with friends about adoption. In both conversations we talked about being open to adoption but needing it to be clear that that was what we were to do. I told both women that it would have to come from Xavier. I was not going to initiate adoption again. God would have to work through my husband this time.

Xavier: It was Passover 2009. In our family we try to celebrate the Biblical holidays and we particularly have fun with Passover. It's a pretty big deal and takes a lot of preparation. I don’t think that Anne was thinking anything about adoption; she was busily getting ready to host three Seders, each on a different night with about 15-17 guests each night! We try to have different guests each year. We were celebrating our last Seder with some very special people. Many close friends were there that night, including the Khaliqi’s who had just recently adopted two young adorable boys from Ethiopia. Now you have to know a bit about Passover. It's a celebration of God’s redemption of His people. It commemorates God freeing his people from slavery in Egypt. For us, it's also a powerful foreshadow of our own redemption from slavery to sin to freedom in Messiah. Our Seders are not typical. Rather than the formal sort, we sit on the floor around a low table; tell the Passover story, fellowship and feast - break bread together so to speak. There is a lot of celebrating and fun going on. We make sure to have plenty of children at each Seder which keeps it lively (see Shanah Leaf’s picture of the children). Each of our guests has their own redemption story so the evening was very moving. When we were finished with the Seder, everyone was just hanging around enjoying the fellowship; the  atmosphere was festive yet still contemplative of the theological significance of the occasion. I need to add that the Leafs had just gotten back from a missions trip to South America in a very impoverished area, some other friends had been in the middle east dealing with harsh persecution and the Khaliqi’s had recently witnessed the hardship in Ethiopia. I will never forget John's prayer that evening, acknowledging that we live in such "ridiculous abundance.” Anyway, I was watching the children playing and particularly those two Ethiopian boys.

Anne: While the men were reclining in the den the women were in the kitchen talking - big surprise!

Xavier: Hey, reclining is all part of the Seder you know!

Anne: My friend Jill was sharing with us about her boys’ story - how much they had been through at such a young age, about how it turned out that her family had been moved to send in their application the same week that their boys had been placed in the orphanage and the boys’ transformation with lots of love and good food.

Xavier: Later Anne came down to the den and sat by me as I was having fun watching and playing with the children. I don't know what caused her to do this; she leaned over and pointing to one of the boys from Ethiopia, and referring to his adoption she said, "That's redemption." At that moment, everything came together. Here we were, just having celebrated our own redemption and here I was looking at a tangible outworking of that reality by God’s people. Through various events, God made it clear to me that adoption was not about me, us, or even about those children. Adoption was about Him and His redemptive purpose; for at the heart of the Gospel is adoption.

But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. Galations 4:4-5

Never had Passover been as relevant as it was that evening. Anyway, after Anne’s statement I responded with something like, "We need to do that, adoption." I think Anne's jaw hit the floor. Later that evening, we stayed up 'til about 2 or 3a.m. talking about it.

Anne: After Xavier said, “we need to do that" I was pretty distracted for the evening! I had specifically said - it has to come from Xavier. After our friends left and the kids were in bed I was dying to bring it up! I wanted to be cautious because I didn't want to be pushy (like I may have been in the past). Overall it was just an amazing night. Anyway, that’s how it all started. How we actually started the process and how we got to where we are now is an entirely different and amazing story which we will fill in later.

Xavier: Anne was never pushy. Looking back, I am grateful that she never really let go of the desires in her heart. We have been so fortunate to receive pictures and videos of our children. Other families who have travelled to Ethiopia to meet their children have emailed us, telling us about ours. I am so emotionally caught up with these children, I find myself staring at their pictures continually, and I weep because I miss them as though they have always been my own. Yet they are not with me now and that greatly pains me. In a sense, it has given me some perspective about my Father in heaven; I have always been His, but I have not always been with Him. I suspect that this has grieved Him greatly.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. (Romans 8:14-17)

Tags: adoption, passover